We are thrilled to be taking part in CRE's first ever Christian Resources Exhibition At Home. Below you can watch Tina's seminar on "A Great Place to Grow Old" as she discusses how your church can respond positively to the challenges of an ageing congregation.
CRE have pulled together a virtual exhibition of church resources, for you to enjoy at home - you can view their handbook of ideas and products, and watch seminars, interviews and daily worship here: creonline.co.uk/creathome/.
We are excited to launch our first virtual challenge event and we would love to see people of all ages and abilities get involved.
This year marks Embracing Age's (the charity behind Care Home Friends) 5th birthday and the event is all about celebrating what everyone, especially our volunteers, has achieved and doing something fun using everyone's individual talents to raise funds for the journey ahead.
As it's a virtual challenge, you can take part in your own time, wherever you're based, either as an individual or part of a team. Simply choose any challenge whether sporting, creative or anything else you fancy and link it to the number 5 whether by distance, time or quantity.
Click below to find out more and get involved.
Tina recently appeared on the panel for a webinar for the Cinnamon Network, talking about what churches can do to reach, bless and support the staff and residents of their local care homes during the extended lockdown caused by COVID-19. Click here to access a recording (video or audio only) and to download the notes.
A guest blog from John Noble, whose wife Christine is living in a care home with dementia.
Suddenly, amidst all the news and confusion about the Corona virus and the fear and suffering which some people are experiencing, the situation becomes very personal.
As my daughter, Sharon, and I were giving Christine her supper one evening around three weeks ago, one of the nurses sat down with us and gave us the news - no more visits until further notice! We were shocked! There was no prior warning, no time to take it in, just the stark reality that we would not see our darling until further notice!
I could see the wheels in Sharon's brain turning as I struggled to take it in. She immediately went to the office to see if she could negotiate but how could they give us special dispensation when some others also visit their loved ones every day as we do? I had just missed one day due to traffic in in 3 and a half years.
So after being refused special privilege which we expected, Sharon runs back to the office with plan B forming in her mind. "Can we borrow mum's special bed and take her home?" she asked, "We can hire a hoist and....." I held back the tears and explained that I could not let her do that. The cost to her health and well-being and that of her husband in all that would be required day and night would be just too great and, anyway, how would Christine cope being out of the environment which she has known for the past three and a half years. On top of that, if we vacated her room there would be no way we would get it back with so many waiting for a place.
As it was time to leave we took her into the conservatory where it is quiet and where we wouldn't be interrupted to give her a last walk and sing hymns with her as we did every day. She was up and rearing to go, we took a few steps and Sharon began to sing, "Amazing grace how sweet the sound..." I tried to join in but could not hold back the tears any longer. Through the tears and sobs I went on to explain to Christine that we wouldn't be in to see her for a while and that we loved her very much. She looked at me with a quizzical, slightly confused, look but I am sure she did not have a clue what I was talking about. Mind you, she did give me two full on kisses which is unusual when we're leaving, she willingly kisses when we arrive but is rather reluctant when she sees we are about to go.
As I drove home, straining to see through the mists of my tears, the reality of the suffering that so many are, and will be, going through as a result of this most recent interruption to our normal lives, hit me. Apart from fear of the sickness itself and how to care for sick loved ones or being unable to visit, there will be all kinds of sad and tragic outcomes.
So, three weeks on how have I coped and what advice can I give that might help others who are going through similar and even much worse situations? Well, I am no expert in all this and I am learning to trust God every step of the way. I make no apology for saying that my Christian faith in the love and goodness of God shown to me and dear Christine over the years has been a mainstay of our ability to cope.
And in that connection I have to say that the freedom to express your grief and pour out your pain is incredibly important. If you don't share my faith where you are assured that the Lord can bear your tears and questions, then do you have a close friend or relative who can cope with you sharing what, some call, an 'unmourned bereavement'? Since Christine's diagnosis, apart from the every day feelings of sadness, I have, on at least five occasions, felt I have been through what can best be described as a bereavement with no place to put it to bury it. The diagnosis itself was tough to hear; the day that I had to tell her she could not drive any more was devastating and she couldn't understand why and, worst of all, the day that she was taken into care were all times of deep distress and grief.
I am sure that many of you reading this will have found your way to cope, as we are all different and our circumstances are by no means the same. So I don't see my thoughts as being definitive, but they may just help someone somewhere, which takes me to my second point. In the midst of your pain try to think of others who are suffering and remember you are in a special place to give encouragement and advice as you are able to empathise in a way others can not.
For me, I did this by starting a face book page as a dedication to Christine and that was after I had vowed I would never join the fb club. It did not appeal to me at all and also I am living proof that dinosaurs exist as I don't have a technical bone in my body. So I sought out help from Sharon and as a result I have reached 1000's of people to give encouragement by sharing our story and the highs and lows of dealing with this terrible disease.
Of course, I am not suggesting that you have to reach thousands but helping one broke-hearted person is worth all the effort and there is a benefit - it is therapeutic for you. In blessing someone in pain you get blessed too and you find that you are in a new and different kind of family too, linked by your common experiences and needs. The story of your journey is important and might be just what some one in distress needs to hear!
Sharing your experience can be really helpful but alongside sharing we must also be careful listeners. Some of us are great talkers, especially people like me in Christian ministry. We like to hear the sound of our own voice but important though sharing is, listening at times can be even more vital in helping to alleviate someone's else's pain. And you may be surprised how simply listening, even when you don't have answers, can help and give you the satisfaction to see that person leave with hope because they found a shoulder to cry on.
Other things that have been helpful for me have, for example, been finding the inner strength and determination not to be a couch potato or to sit around feeling sorry for myself all day. Life goes on and has to be lived so there comes a moment when we have to pick ourselves up and busy ourselves with things that have to be done. Often I have started a job whilst still shedding tears and found that in a short time the tears have dried up as I focus on the work in hand. The pain does not totally disappear, how could it when the situation remains the same, but we can learn how to dull the pain so that it does not dominate our every living moment.
Having a routine is also extremely helpful and keeps you functioning in a measure of normality. A little exercise can really help you to cast off some of the gloom that might hang over you; make sure that you don't neglect the every day things like taking a shower or putting on some decent clothes and try to eat things which will help you to feel healthy as opposed to comfort eating that will only add to your woes.
When all the jobs that are necessary for life to go on are done for the day then, maybe during this lock down, you will recall some of those things that you have promised yourself that one day I'll get around to that. A hobby, a sewing project, turning out the cupboard under the stairs or re-jigging that flower bed in the garden that has got out of hand or planting tomato seeds in the greenhouse!. The problem may be that we feel guilty if we are doing something which might look as if we are getting some pleasure from it when our loved one is suffering and we can't be there. Please reject such a thought, for guilt has never ever helped the human condition and it won't help you now. Taking pleasure in some activity is not a sin and if your loved one was able to speak to you, they would surely encourage you in that!
Well, these are some of my thoughts and I hope they are constructive and helpful and perhaps they will inspire you to think of how you have been helped to walk through your pain to carry on with life that is there to be lived. Then when the time comes for you to get back to seeing your loved one, you will be in a fit state to be the best that you can be for them once again. May God bless you and give you the peace that comes from knowing that Jesus walks with you every step of the way.
Most care homes have now restricted visitors in order to protect their residents from the virus. We have paused the replication of our Care Home Friend projects and are looking at how we can most effectively support care homes during this unprecendented season. It is a particularly challenging time for staff and residents, as an outbreak of the virus at a care home could be devastating. How can you support them?
It's a difficult question to answer, as the situation seems to be changing daily, but here are some general ideas that should be adapted to your local situation and read in the light of the most up to date government advice, which can be found here.
1. Give your care home a call and ask them what their needs are at this time and if there is any particular support they need. They may be so busy dealing with the urgent that they are unable to think of anything - let them know that they can contact you if they think of anything later on.
2. Show care home staff how much we appreciate all they are doing to look after and protect our vulnerable older people during this time of crisis. Send them a thank you card and some chocolates.
3. In our area we are hoping to get some funding to buy android tablets to give to the care homes that staff can use to help residents have video chats with their loved ones. Residents with capacity can also use them to play online games like Words with Friends and chess, that connect them to the outside world.
4. If you have a background in care, perhaps you could offer to go on a reserve list of bank staff that care home managers can call on should they experience a shortage.
5. If you have children at home, perhaps they could write letters or draw pictures that could be sent to the care homes to cheer the staff and residents.
Can you think of other ideas? Please feel free to add them to them in the comments section below.
Showcasing our Intergenerational Drama Project
We were thrilled to see the fruits of our intergenerational drama project last week when the Year 8 pupils showcased the final production to residents and their families at a local care home. The project involved Wendy (our Volunteer Coordinator, who is also a writer and actor) working with students from a local school, who spent time getting to know some care home residents, collecting stories from their lives, and turning these stories into a musical production.
The production, “Over The Rainbow”, was largely set around the 1940s and included favourite music from the era, which had several of the residents humming along and dancing in their chairs, which was a real delight to see. One resident said “I enjoyed it thoroughly. It brought back lots of memories, good and bad. But it was wonderful.”
Another resident said “The girls had thought about what they were doing and they’d obviously taken the bits that they had been told by the people they’d visited over time; it was all in there and they put it together well. I enjoyed it and I think that’s the most important thing; and I saw everyone else enjoyed it too.”
The students also told us they gained a lot from the project - from growing their confidence and teamwork skills, to changing their views about older people and their perspective of life in general. One pupil said “we’ve got so much to learn from care home residents” and this was a common theme amongst the pupils. One student spoke of a gentleman who had lost both of his legs in WWII and had gone onto become a successful actor, “it was amazing to see someone who had been through so much in their youth to be telling these stories and be so happy today.”
The school’s Head of Drama said the pupils had “gained confidence, empathy for the elderly and collaborative skills in rehearsing. The project was a great way for the students to become involved in a local community on our doorstep.”
Wendy, who led the project at Embracing Age says “The grant from Culture Seeds allowed us to create a beautiful space, that built a lasting connection between a group of young people and elderly residents in a care home. We witnessed the joy and delight from the elderly residents, their feeling of value sharing their stories. We watched the girls’ excitement and confidence grow listening to these stories, and making them into a play. It was a truly magical experience.”
You can watch highlights of the performance and interviews with some of the residents and pupils below.
A huge thank you to the Mayor of London’s Culture Seed Programme for funding this project, and to the school and the care home for working with us. If you would be interested in exploring an intergenerational project with us, please contact us here.
Come along and say hello to us at the Christian Resources Exhibition at Sandown Park Racecourse, Tuesday 15 - Thursday 17 October. A fantastic opportunity to find out more about what we do and how you can get involved with Care Home Friends.
You can get a free ticket via our link: https://eventdata.uk/Forms/Form.aspx?FormRef=CREA9Visitor&FormMode=COMP&TrackingCode=CHF19
What is the Christian Resources Exhibition?
The CRE offers fresh ideas, products and suppliers to ordained clergy, lay leaders and anyone who cares about the future of their local church. Find everything you need for your church – all in one place.
Tuesday 15 October 2019 – 10am-5pm
Wednesday 16 October 2019 – 10am-5pm
Thursday 17 October 2019 – 10am-4.30pm
Just 15 miles from central London, Sandown Park is easily accessible by rail (25 minutes from London Waterloo to Esher) and road (M25 and A3). Parking is free for exhibitors and visitors. A courtesy bus will be available between Esher railway station and Sandown Park racecourse, during the opening times.
Faith Action, as the Secretariat for the All Party Parliamentary Group on Faith and Society have recently written a report on how faith based organisations are tackling loneliness. We provided a case study about Care Home Friends. The report can be downloaded here.
Tina was recently interviewed for a podcast for Together with God, talking about the importance of valuing older people within the church and society, helping different generations relate to one another, and how Christian families and churches can better support older people. Click here to listen
I was sitting in a restaurant, over 20 years ago, on a date with my hubby, when a group of about a dozen people came in and sat on the tables opposite us. I was fascinated by them, as they were such a mixed bunch – different nationalities, cultures and ages, all having a really great time together. I wondered what common interest had brought this disparate group together and I said to my husband, “I bet they’re Christians!” And they were.
There is something powerfully distinct about togetherness. Diversity in unity. I was reminded of this restaurant scene recently when considering the question, “What does a church community look like that genuinely loves and appreciates the uniqueness and contribution of all the different generations within it?
We can appreciate this diversity in unity when the apostle Paul speaks of the church as a body – with each member playing a unique role and every part being needed for us to function properly. But this analogy has limitations for an intergenerational perspective – the parts of my body are a similar age!
I think the best example of what it looks like to be a church that values and loves across the generations is family – the most natural multi-generational community on earth! We all know there’s no such thing as a perfect family, but let’s just imagine for a minute how an ideal family might function:
How can each of us encourage this sort of expression of family in the life of the church?