First, let me say that I am not an expert in choosing a care home for a loved one with dementia, as it is not something I have had to do myself.

However, what I do is train volunteers to spend time and provide meaningful companionship to care home residents. I volunteer in a care home myself visiting a lady with quite advanced dementia who has no other friends or relatives who visit. I also trained as a nurse many years ago and I worked as a staff nurse in a care home for a short time so I have experienced care homes from different perspectives.

It is difficult decision to choose to move a loved one into a care home, with so much emotion and potential anxiety attached to it. But, it’s not a bad decision, or a sign of failure.

Moving into a care home can be the best option, the right option, for your loved one. And there are some wonderful care homes - we get such a distorted picture painted by the media.

It’s not all bad, terrible, terrible! In fact it’s more good, good and really good! The media chooses to put a magnifying  glass on the bad and terrible and that can give us a distorted perspective on the whole sector.

After doing some research into the role of volunteers in care homes and interviewing care home residents, this is what one said: “Well actually I think it’s good if volunteers come in and see what happens in care homes, because I think it’s a good thing if they carry out the message that, “Don’t worry if you have to go into one, it’s a good place to be….I’m glad I came.”

But the challenge remains to find the right care home for your loved ones if and when that becomes the best option for them. There are lots of resources online from Age UK and the Alzheimers Society giving advice and information about what to look for. 

Here's 5 things that I think are important for you to consider, using the acronym SEEEE to make it easy for you to remember.

1. STAFF
In my mind this is the most important indicator about how good the care home is. It tells you a lots. Is there a high turn over of staff? If there is then you need to ask yourself why? In a good care home the staff tend to stay.

Happy staff = happy care.

If the staff are stressed out, and really busy that may have knock on implications for the quality of care your loved one receives. If staff are unhappy they will leave, the manager will struggle to keep recruiting and there will be lots of agency staff. Temporary agency staff  won’t know residents personally, and it makes it much more difficult to offer person centred care if you don’t know the person.

2. ETHOS
which brings me on to my second point - ETHOS. What is the ethos of the home? Do they follow the principles of person centred care - which focuses on the individual, who they are, their life story - rather than on the illness, or their physical care needs. Not just “You are someone I need to get up, dressed and fed this morning”.

Do they treat individuals with respect and dignity? Do they provide meaningful activities for residents to be involved in? Is there a sense of community?

3. ENVIRONMENT
Is the environment comfortable and homely? Smart, hotel like care homes can look impressive, but this is a place where your loved one is going to live; this is HOME. This was highlighted to me when I chatted to a resident, who lives in a small, family run care home.

This particular care home looks a bit dated, not like a newly refurbished plush and roomy care home I also visited with this resident on another occasion. I was slightly concerned she might get care home envy, so was very surprised when afterwards she said to me, “Oh, I didn’t like that care home at all!” And she went on to describe how she felt it was all too hotel like and not homely at all!

I am sure there will be others who would love the hotel like atmosphere and not like the very homely care home - it’s all about finding out what is right for each individual.

The important questions to ask are - are there things around to stimulate residents interests - pictures, objects on the tables, opportunities to get involved  in household tasks like gardening, dusting, folding - if these are things that residents find meaningful. Also, is there access to the outdoors, even if residents rooms are not on the ground floor. 

4. EASY TRANSPORT LINKS OR PARKING
If you are going to be visiting regularly you want to be able to get there easily - either in a car or on public transport and be able to park if you are driving.

5. END OF LIFE CARE
It might seem a bit strange to be thinking about this before your loved one even moves into a care home, but it’s so important, especially for people with dementia.

The care home is likely to be the last residence of your loved one and you want to feel confident that it is a place where they will have quality of life to the end of life. Now I have to disclose a vested interest here - end of life care for people with dementia is a particular passion of mine and it’s probably a whole other blog. But you want to ask questions about this.

What provision is made for residents when they can no longer participate in the programme of activities offered by the care home? Do they have a programme of sensory activities for people in the last stages of dementia? This is quite new and innovative - but if a care home do provide this you know they are forward thinking and really focused on good end of life care.

There is unlikely to be such thing as a perfect care home - and what is perfect for one person won’t be perfect for someone else, as every individual is different. But hopefully that gives you a taster of the sort of things to look out for and ask when you visit and chat with the managers. 

Author - Tina English (Director - Embracing Age)

Taking her experience of helping run a parent and toddler group Pippa, a local mum, turned her attention to serving older people in the local community. An outreach was set up to serve the elderly in their community and to help reduce the isolation and loneliness faced by many. Aptly named Connections, it aims to connect people to God and with each other.

Before their Tuesday meetings, a team of volunteers comes in to set up the church cafe style and to prepare for the over 100 guests that they have each week. 

Guests are offered coffee and  homemade cakes, with flowers on the tables, which can include optional craft activities, mini hand massages, gentle exercises, jigsaws, shared hobbies and special interest tables put together by local guests, which allows guests to chat whilst they are doing something.

​For their regulars, who are often living with ill health, dementia or bereavement, the opportunity to connect once a week, to sit, listen and talk, is all they need.

Pippa emphasizes that they want their guests to “relax and feel at ease” and believes that the love and care shown by the team is infectious. “It’s the care and love received that impacts people”. It’s not just the guests who benefit, the volunteers who take part also love being part of the team.

The church aims to help guests to experience the love of God through the friendships they build at Connections. During the morning, there’s a light touch ‘’thought for the day’ shared by one of the leaders and there always volunteers for guests to talk to and pray with. 

Pippa says that she believes it’s their “warm welcome, ability to listen, generosity and prayer” , and the caring team of volunteers, that have made Connections such a success.

The culture of love in the Connections community has spread outside of a Tuesday morning, with guests and volunteers phoning each other for a chat, guests hosting coffee mornings and helping each other with shopping.

We're part of Christians Together Against Loneliness, a coalition of faith-based charities to tackle isolation amongst older people.

While it's long been the churches practice to share meals, community meals have been growing in popularity in recent years.

Eating together provides an opportunity for social interaction and building friendships. That's one of the reasons we're launching "Make A Meal Of It", to encourage local churches to run a community meal to reach older people in their community.

With a growing elderly population and 12% of people aged 65 and over saying that they "feel cut off from society", there's never been a better time for churches to find creative ways to reach out to older people, who are often underrepresented in local churches.

Grab the PDF for Make A Meal Of It to see if this might be a good fit for you and your church. 

Introducing our new National Co-ordinator Jen Carter, who joined us in March 2018!

Jen's role is to support churches who are exploring whether setting up a Care Home Friends in their village, town or City is right for them. She also supports projects which are already up and running.

This photo is of Jen and her dad (who sadly passed away last year), taking one of their regular walks to the river from the nursing home where he was a resident.

Jen says "It was so hard for dad, even though mum visited him every day and I visited 2-3 times each week, each day seemed so long for him. His failing memory made it harder for him, as he couldn't always remember that mum had already visited that day, so despite regular visits from family, he often felt lonely. 

This is one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about Care Home Friends, as it so positively impacts individuals, giving them someone to talk to, and letting them know that they still matter and have a value."

Jen comes from a background of having worked with churches, charities and volunteers for over 10 years, and we're excited to have her on board! 

You can now see where we already have Care Home Friends projects, using this interactive map:

​We are delighted to welcome Lady Sally Grylls as an ambassador for our work. Sally lives on the Isle of Wight and is an inspiring lady with a quiet faith, who seeks to make a difference in the lives of people living with dementia. You can read an interview with her here.

What happens when someone we love deteriorates with age, as can happen with dementia?

This Facebook post from John Noble, who with his wife Christine, have been influential in church leadership over many years shares about John & Christine's journey with dementia.  John has kindly given us permission to reproduce his post here. 

"It is almost one year since the love of my life was taken into care. Initially she was to go into the home for two weeks in an attempt to balance her medication as various other efforts had failed to keep her on an even keel. I was not permitted to see her for one week which was like being assigned to seven days of mental torture. I spent the week in tears.
​

Care Home Friends were joint winners of the Cinnamon Network Project Lab Competition in 2016. It's a big like Dragons Den, only for charities!

You can find out more about it here ...

​We were delighted to be the runner up in Premier Radio's Love Britain and Ireland Awards in the category for older people.

​On 20th September 2017, our Director, Tina English was presented with the award by comedian Tim Vine and Baroness Parminter.