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News

101 Things To Do With An Elderly Relative or Friend

18/9/2018

10 Comments

 
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This started as a somewhat crazy idea at midnight. Thinking about the different ways that I've spent time with my own elderly parents, I wondered if it'd be possible to come up with a list of 101 ideas for ways that we can spend time with older people.

Visiting older people, either in their own homes or in care homes, isn't rocket science. Yet we can feel intimidated. We don't visit because feel as if we don't know what to do.

It's one of my regrets that I didn't go and see my elderly godmother until it was too late.  These regrets helped me prioritise creating many beautiful memories with my dad, who passed away last year.

This list is a work in progress - you'll notice that there's not 101 things on the list ... yet!

​Please can you HELP us build this post by sharing your ideas and experiences. How do you prefer to spend time with elderly relatives?

Help us create an amazing and useful list:
  1. Reminiscing - remembering past events (thanks to Viv for this idea!)
  2. Taking a 'wheelchair walk' outside (this is what Jen enjoyed with her dad)
  3. A stroll in a sensory garden (thanks it4mature on Instagram)
  4. Show them how to use technology such as Skype or FaceTime to connect with family members they haven't seen or spoken to in years (thanks to it4mature on Instagram)
  5. Giving them a gentle hand massage, to share the joy of touch (thanks to Tina for this one)
  6. Create music together - using simple instruments such as thumb pianos, recorders or shakers. It may not hit the UK charts, but it's a fun and memorable experience. For extra fun, record your efforts with a phone or tablet and play back, for hilarious effect! (thanks again to it4mature on Instagram!)
  7. Try something new at a nearby coffee shop! Explore a drink you haven't tried before & chat about preferences! (thanks to LinkingLivesUK on Twitter)
  8. Get some paints and paper and have a go at art with some painting (thanks to abbeyfieldsociety on Instagram)
  9. Grab an adult colouring book and get colouring - it's relaxing and helps the mind (thanks to serenitycareassistedliving on Instagram)
  10. Take your dog to play (as long as it's permitted where they live!) - who doesn't love to stroke a dog? (thanks to abbeyfieldsociety on Instagram)
  11. Look through boxes of old photos or albums. It's a guarantee to start conversations. Find books that contain old photos of the cities they're from, use as a conversation starter or memory jogger (thanks to Tracy on Facebook)
  12. Listening to music from their era useful too, it transports them back to a dance or party they may been to and relates to other events happening at the time. (thanks to Gill on Facebook)
  13. A scrap book of clips/pictures from years ago together with more up to date pictures is quite fun too, maybe do a little quiz? (thanks to Gill)
  14. A magazine of a hobby they love/loved such as gardening or cooking to look through together (thanks to Gill)
  15. Baking - my mother remembered how to make shortcrust pastry even though she forget how to cook. Rubbing fat in to flour is such a tactile thing - it was good therapy and passed the time (thanks to Anne on Facebook)​
  16. Invite them along to a street party to meet everyone in the local community. It's a great way to mix inter-generationally (Marmalade Trust on Instagram)
  17. Find out what's happening at your local community farm of garden (Marmalade Trust on Instagram)
  18. Check out the local U3A activities and take them along (Marmalade Trust on Instagram)
  19. Painting on rocks - it's calming and creative. (thanks to Anglia Care)
  20. Go for a weekly walk, if you haven't got a dog, perhaps you can borrow one! (thanks to Marmalade Trust)
  21. Organise a street party or community get together (thanks to Marmalade_Trust on Instagram)
  22. Doing jigsaw puzzles together - helping each other with the difficult pieces (thanks to Anglia Care on Instagram)
  23. Enjoy a good old-fashioned cup of tea together (thanks to Anglia Care on Instagram)
  24. Ask about their past hobbies. For example, they may have loved flower arranging, dance or Lego. Is there some way that you can help bring their past hobbies alive again - either by doing, reading or watching? ​
  25. A sing-song together. Singing brings elderly people alive, even those with memory problems (thanks to Sharon Noble on Facebook)
  26. Take them along to your knitting or crochet group (e.g. Knit & Natter), or go along to theirs with them (thanks to playingoutcic on Instagram)
  27. Visit beautiful places together (thanks to ChristianActionBristol in Instagram)
  28. Explore nature (thanks to Christian Action Bristol on Twitter)
  29. Ask them if there is anywhere they would have liked to visit, or anything they would liked to have done - maybe you can help them tick something off a bucket list :) (thanks to Lucy Hazell for commenting below)
  30. Invite them to a dinner party - if living alone, many elderly people wouldn't go through the effort of preparing a full home made meal just for themselves - this gives them an excuse to enjoy one :) (Thanks to Lucy Hazell)
  31. Go for a picnic - it gets everyone outside and appreciating the simple things in life.  (Thanks to Lucy Hazell)
  32. Swap hobbies - maybe they know how to do something that you don't and vice versa. So why not swap hobbies and teach each  other?  (Thanks to Lucy Hazell)
  33. The Cinema - my granny loves the cinema, but is afraid of falling in the big dark rooms. So I go with her to watch a film of her choosing. For some people that haven't been to the cinema in a long long time, it will be quite an experience, given how technology has advanced. (thanks again Lucy Hazell!)
  34. Take a drive in the countryside (thanks to Janet Kuntz)
  35. Watch sports with them (thanks Janet!)
  36. Have them over for dinner and ask for their help in either making it or setting the table, to make them feel included (thanks again Janet)
  37. Visit an art gallery (thanks Janet!)
  38. Use the computer together (thanks Ros)
  39. Go out for coffee or ice cream (thanks to Ros!)
  40. Enjoy a bit of simple shopping (thanks Ros)
  41. Bring in young children and play games, say or sing nursery rhymes (thanks to upbeat52 on Instagram)
  42. Talk about names and descriptions of friends (yours and theirs), together with favourite activities and foods (thanks to upbeat52 on Instagram)
  43. Make simple cakes or biscuits (thanks Ros!)
  44. Do manicures together (nice idea Ros!)
  45. Dance together or take them to a dancing or music group (thanks for this idea Rebecca Seymour, Twitter)
  46. Share or read poetry together (thanks to Tina)
  47. Play board games, cards or dominoes (thanks to Tina)
  48. Do crosswords, word searches or word puzzles together - helps keep both of your brains active (thanks Tina)
  49. Show them how to use technology - to communicate with family and friends, for example by showing them how to send an email, or how to play simple games (such as jigsaw) on their phone or ipad (thanks to Jen)
  50. Take an instrument that you play along and play some music (thanks to Tina and the Embracing Age team)
  51. Playing music from the persons favourite era   50's 60's 70's (thanks Grace Wilding on YouTube)
  52. Carpet bowls - works across the generations and even for those in wheels! (Thanks to Jane)
  53. Play dominoes or a card game together (even if the rules might need to be a little flexible)
  54. Listen to a CD with familiar music on it - this could be classical music, hymns or just popular songs
  55. Take in a colouring book and some pens, pencils or markers
  56. Read from the Bible, or say familiar prayers
  57. Share nursery rhymes that they may remember
  58. Watch TV programs or DVD's of gardens, outdoor activities or something beautiful or relaxing (thanks to Dr Jennifer Bute of Glorious Opportunity for this and the last five suggestions)
  59. Read from the Bible, or other faith-based book
  60. Ask about past interests and hobbies - who knows what you'll learn?
  61. Have your own 2-person book club - choose books to read and then have fun discussing them
  62. Share your hobbies with them - do you collect postcards, stamps or art? Involve them in your hobbies - it's never too late for any of us to show an interest or learn.
  63. Glass Jar Decoupage with tissue paper (thanks Matt!)
  64. Creating stained glass with sharpies (from Matt Harris)


Thanks for helping us to reach 64 ideas before Christmas!

Please COMMENT below with your ideas, links to posts or suggestions, which we can then add to the list.

If you prefer, share your idea with us on social media - links below.
10 Comments

We welcome John Noble as our Ambassador

31/8/2018

1 Comment

 
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We're delighted to welcome John Noble as a new ambassador for Embracing Age, our parent charity.

John shared his story with us ...

​Tell us a bit about yourself and your experience of supporting a loved one with dementia.
That’s a challenge without writing a book!

I’ve been in Christian ministry with my lovely wife for almost 60 years! We were married in 1958 and after seeing the folly of some involvement we had in the occult, we soon found the Holy Spirit at work in our lives as we were caught up with the Charismatic Renewal which emerged in the 1960s in a big way.

Alongside bringing our five wonderful children into the world, we planted churches, shared in great conferences like Spring Harvest and developed a team to serve the church here in the UK and around the World.

Having been trained at the Royal Academy, Christine had a passion to see the arts functioning freely in worship and the church’s mission. With her team she pioneered the use of movement, drama and art which, with a strong prophetic element, enriched our gatherings at every level.

Christine was greatly used in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and has seen many people delivered, healed and released into ministry. She also did much to gender self-esteem with women and encouraged them to pursue their God-given callings in work, home and church in whichever way the Lord was leading them. 

Together we were a great team and spent many years serving the church from simple tribal village fellowships in Asia and Africa to the city churches of the West and beyond.

In 2011 Christine was diagnosed with an aggressive form of dementia and we were faced with the greatest challenge of our long and happy relationship. I was devastated and wanted everyone to know and pray for us, while Christine was inclined to be in a measure of denial. This immediately led to some tension and made it difficult to manage the inevitable adjustments the progression of the disease brought.

Nothing I had been through in life had prepared me for the situation we found ourselves in and so began a massive learning curve for me.

I must admit that I didn’t always handle things very well as the Christine I knew seemed to fade away and a different Christine emerged. It was a Christine who didn’t behave and react the way she had done in the past and left me coming to terms with a disturbing range of emotions from bewilderment and confusion to hurt, anger and sadness.

If it wasn’t for the support of a loving family, praying friends and a few people with experience who listened to my pain and took time to sympathise and gently give some words of counsel, I would not have survived. 

Two days after my 80th birthday Christine was taken into care for a couple of weeks to sort out her medication which wasn’t working too well. It was the worst day of my life and I wept buckets.

During her short stay she was seen to be in an advanced stage of disease and the assessor said that she was amazed that we had managed to cope for so long. So, Christine stayed in the home which was both a relief and a further devastation.

Why are you motivated to see more volunteers in care homes?
I have visited Christine every day for the last 22 months and watched her deteriorate to the point where she is immobile and has all but lost her speech. By God’s grace this experience has softened my heart and changed my understanding of those who have to cope or live with the disease. 

I see the incredible commitment of so many carers, the majority of whom are immigrants. They work long shifts and the pay is not great. Every day they face the challenges of residents, most of whom are confused and concerned or totally dependent on their input and a few can be quite aggressive.

Carers time is taken up with the simple chores of dealing with the basic needs of feeding, washing and watching. Whilst many go the extra mile and try to spend time interacting with residents it is impossible for them to give the attention which would help to make life a little more bearable, especially for those who have no family or friends to visit.

I began to think about the difference a few volunteers, who have received a little training, could make to the lives, not only of the residents, but to the staff as well. I have seen how easy it is to get alongside folk to give them some assurance and a little love which brings light into their darkness and peace in their confusion.

We have made some real friendships with the staff who appreciate us being around and they are interested when we take time to share something of our experiences and faith.

There is another area where I see we can make a difference if we are sensitive. During one of my first visits to see Christine I was distressed and upset. A lady who was visiting her mother took a moment to come over to me and offer kind words of comfort and encouragement. During my daily visits I have had dozens of opportunities to do the same for other visitors who might be facing an emotional challenge with their loved one. 

In our daily lives we find it difficult to engage with people who are busily going about their daily routines. However, when a life is turned upside down by the circumstances which bring them to a care home, they are vulnerable and open to receive a little love and tenderness which a caring volunteer might be able to offer.

When I discovered Embracing Age and all that you are doing, I was delighted and thrilled to know that my growing concern to see an army of volunteers supporting care homes across the UK was already being addressed a professional way. Thanks for the amazing work you have started and more power to your elbow!

​If you could give one piece of advice to the younger generation what would it be?
Over recent years in our society, community life is all but gone. The security and support communities provided has been dissipated. Family life has largely disappeared and people are more and more isolated.

One tragic result of this is an ever-widening generational gap which breeds suspicion, fear and even anger and aggression between the young and old.

My advice to the younger generation which is emerging in this climate is, please take time to consider the long-term effects of perpetuating this situation. One day you will be old and will need love and support.

With all the energy, hopes and aspirations you have, let us, together, find a way to buck the trend and reverse the divisions. Let us rediscover the incredible reservoir of wisdom and energy which reside in the two generations and see how this can be a force for positive change in this troubled world. ​

Thanks John for sharing your story so honestly. We look forward to working with you to supporting many more residents in care homes, with your support! 
1 Comment

Welcome to our New National Co-ordinator

26/3/2018

0 Comments

 
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Introducing our new National Co-ordinator Jen Carter, who joined us in March 2018!

Jen's role is to support churches who are exploring whether setting up a Care Home Friends in their village, town or City is right for them. She also supports projects which are already up and running.

This photo is of Jen and her dad (who sadly passed away last year), taking one of their regular walks to the river from the nursing home where he was a resident.


Jen says "It was so hard for dad, even though mum visited him every day and I visited 2-3 times each week, each day seemed so long for him. His failing memory made it harder for him, as he couldn't always remember that mum had already visited that day, so despite regular visits from family, he often felt lonely. 

This is one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about Care Home Friends, as it so positively impacts individuals, giving them someone to talk to, and letting them know that they still matter and have a value.
"

Jen comes from a background of having worked with churches, charities and volunteers for over 10 years, and we're excited to have her on board! 
0 Comments

Welcome to our new Ambassador

1/12/2017

0 Comments

 
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​We are delighted to welcome Lady Sally Grylls as an ambassador for our work. Sally lives on the Isle of Wight and is an inspiring lady with a quiet faith, who seeks to make a difference in the lives of people living with dementia. You can read an interview with her here.
0 Comments

The story of one husband, whose wife is living with dementia

23/11/2017

0 Comments

 
What happens when someone we love deteriorates with age, as can happen with dementia?

This Facebook post from John Noble, who with his wife Christine, have been influential in church leadership over many years shares about John & Christine's journey with dementia.  John has kindly given us permission to reproduce his post here. 


"It is almost one year since the love of my life was taken into care. Initially she was to go into the home for two weeks in an attempt to balance her medication as various other efforts had failed to keep her on an even keel. I was not permitted to see her for one week which was like being assigned to seven days of mental torture. I spent the week in tears.
​
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When I finally got to see Christine and talk to the nurse who ran the home, she said that she hadn’t realised how advanced and aggressive Christine’s dementia was and she didn’t know how we had coped. Her conclusion was that it was time for Christine to be taken into permanent care.

At that moment I discovered that incompatible emotions such as relief and agony can exist side by side but not without creating turmoil and confusion. Family and the many encouragements and prayers of friends have helped me to adjust to my new situation. However, in spite of the difficulty of caring for Christine, there was a gaping hole in my life.

Months on and a various combinations of drugs tested, nothing seemed to have had the desired effect of keeping Christine calm and at peace. True she had some better days but in reality she spent a great deal of time crying.

This behaviour started while she was at home. I put it down to the multiple TV advertisements which appear in the channels most likely to be watched by older people. Pictures of sick and dying children and heart wrenching appeals for donations every fifteen minutes whilst watching your favourite episode of Poirot, is not a helpful way to relax.

It seemed that these images conjured up visions of suffering children such as Christine had often seen as she sought to minister in deprived areas of the world. Of course, I quickly learned to prerecord the programmes and delete the adverts but those images appeared to remain embedded somewhere deep within.

So it was that some days ago a new drug in a fairly high dosage was tried. When I went in at my usual time to give Christine her supper she was out for the count which is most unusual as she is mostly on the move, shuffling around to see what is going on. Her head was slumped forward and it took me a good ten to fifteen minutes to wake her. Finally, when I did arouse her she could barely walk an inch at a time, staring down at the floor as I helped her along. Once again I was shattered!
This went on for a few days and each visit I struggled to hold back the tears until I left to come home in the car.
​
Then one of the nurses who saw my distress tried to comfort me, “it’s a question of which is best,” she said, “do you want Christine as a zombie or do you want her crying most of the time?”
This was not a choice I was anxious to make and after a couple of the staff helped me settle Christine into a chair, my lovely zombie began to cry anyway. This was the first time I broke down in front of the staff. I sobbed out my thanks for their help and something about not coping and then hurried out to the sanctuary of my car.

The next day at the home I was greeted with concerned looks and while I helped Christine with her supper the nurse said that they were going to halve the dosage of medication to see if that made a difference. Thank God it did! And, hallelujah, we’re on to more smiles and fewer tears! On a recent visit Christine actually reached out and pulled me close and whispered quite coherently, “I love you,” and gave me a full on, sloppy, kiss! Wow, that was special!

My experiences over these last few years, and particularly these months since Christine went into care, have given me huge appreciation for the myriads of people who are enduring the kind of pain we are suffering and sometimes much, much worse. How many of them manage without family help and many more not knowing the blessing of being in touch with Jesus, I shall never know.

I am also incredibly impressed by the staff who work in the home. Most of them are immigrants as, it seems, most of us Brits don’t want to work in such demanding jobs. The long hours, low pay and caring for such needy people, many of whom are almost totally incapacitated, disturbed and sometimes quite aggressive, is tiring work. Yet they are always ready with a welcome and a smile and more often than not, even when they’re busy, tea and biscuits.

On top of all their regular tasks, washing, dressing, feeding, distributing medication, toilet trips and watching out for those in danger of falling or doing themselves some damage, they do try to interact with the residents on a personal basis as much as possible. However, the reality is they just don’t have the time to engage with them as they would like.

All this has led me to ask myself two questions; what could be done to improve life for those caring for loved ones at home? And, how could the amazing commitment of the staff working in care homes be supplemented to provide one to one engagement on a regular basis for residents who need that kind of attention?

I found myself wishing I was younger and had the time and resources to start a charity to train an army of retired volunteers. These, perhaps, older people who are often overlooked and undervalued themselves, could get alongside lonely, pressurised carers in their homes and also make regular visits to nursing homes to stand with staff, lightening the load and making life a little brighter for some residents who need more interaction or have no family to visit them.

In recent years Christians have risen to many of the challenges which have surfaced in our broken society. And, far from having withdrawn from the ‘world’ because we are not ‘of it’, we are now fully engaged in positive action without becoming involved in the ‘world system’ which is what scripture warns us against. Street pastors, prison visiting, healing on the streets, youth mentoring, food banks are just a few of the fantastic initiatives which are making a tremendous difference but surely this is just the beginning and there is much, much more that we can do.

My belief is that there is some saint out there with the gifts and abilities required to mobilise an army to serve in this area of growing concern. Maybe they are just crying out to the Lord to open a door of opportunity so that they can find their place in the heart of what God is doing to turn this nation around and back to its Christian roots.

So, maybe you could join me in praying that the Holy Spirit will connect those with the skills to those with the resources. In this way the many, who would love to serve in this needy area, can be empowered to get on and invade our care homes with the presence and the love of Jesus!"


Thank you John for sharing your story.
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